Sue's Testimony ...
One day, when aged 15, I discovered the story of Solomon, and how God gave him great riches and honour, because Solomon had asked God for wisdom, and nothing for his own gain. That story freaked me out! So I asked God for wisdom too! What do you suppose my real motives were?
My story begins in early 1967, when we were living in South Africa. Two years previously, we had moved from Rhodesia, and that January we were preparing to move again, from Johannesburg to the more rural province of KwaZula Natal. Incidentally, many people have asked us over the years what our house name - Jabulani - means. It is a Zulu name and it means "we are happy" or "we rejoice". One of Traidcraft's partners has the same name, and coincidentally so does another craft centre in my home town of Bulawayo, in Zimbabwe - but I digress ...
We were in for a long journey to our new home in Pietermaritzburg, and, always anxious to seize an opportunity, I asked my mother if she would buy me the comic book I had my eye on. It was called "The Life of Jesus". We were not a Christian or even a church-going family, so I did not know who Jesus was, but God had His hand on me. Despite its format, it was pure scripture, and I loved it. I was riveted, and I never tired of those wonderful stories about Jesus, and especially how He loved little children. My mother told me years later that she was astounded at the effect that a simple comic book could have had on my life. A couple of years after we moved, she herself met a lovely Christian lady, who led her to Christ.
Our new home was well out in the country, with no other children of my age within "popping in" distance, so I had only my sister for company, who was 5 years my junior. Like many children who keep their own company, I had an imaginary friend, but I did not have to invent one, because wasn't Jesus the Friend of little children? So Jesus and I did everything together in those days. My favourite hymn at school was "Thou didst leave Thy throne", and I used to sing "O come to my heart Lord Jesus" with great gusto. As I grew older, I forgot my imaginary Friend for a while, but He didn't forget me, and at the age of 15, on 9th January 1974, I felt His call, at the Christian camp I was attending.
One incident remains forever etched in my memory, and was to shape my life in years to come. I always enjoyed reading and academic work, and, one day that same year, I discovered the story of Solomon, and how God gave him great riches and honour, because Solomon had asked God for wisdom, and nothing for his own gain. That story freaked me out! So I asked God for wisdom too! What do you suppose my real motives were? Nevertheless, I know that God heard me that day because, within a week, I had discovered the scripture verse, which says, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom". (There were no Youth Bibles then!) I remember feeling acutely disappointed; I didn't know what that meant, but it didn't sound at all appealing! So I lost interest.
God didn't, however. He longs for all His children to find wisdom. More than 20 years later I discovered the writings of Selwyn Hughes, himself a wise man. According to scripture, says Selwyn, it is not a case of becoming wise first, then learning obedience, as the world would believe. Oh no. It's the other way round. As with all our other friendships, we need to prove ourselves trustworthy by keeping His laws, and then we will unlock the secrets of the universe because we become "tuned in" to it. Moreover, God will begin to confide His secret will to us, His trusted friends (Ps25: 14), and so, as we come to know God more deeply, our understanding of what He is teaching us also increases:
"Cry out for wisdom and beg for understanding.
Search for it like silver, and hunt for it like hidden treasure.
Then you will understand respect for the Lord,
And you will find that you know God." (Prov2: 3-5)
Finally, I understood what I had asked for. I had the key. My wise friend taught that some of the greatest of the treasures of His wisdom become available to us during the dark times of our lives, if we will dig deeper.
I was not always in the mood to do much digging, however. We had experienced seven lean years, beginning in 1985 with the death of our first-born daughter, Julie, and there were more bleak times ahead, which followed in close proximity. I used to wear myself out, asking God "why?", and beating my fists against the doors of heaven. But the heavens were like brass. It seemed as though God had moved to another planet, and I felt utterly abandoned. Finally, I told God that if He didn't give me the answers I was seeking, then I wasn't going to believe in Him any more! Then I retired, defeated. Like any wise and loving parent, God knew that I was too hurt and angry to listen, and He reacted towards me, as I would have done to my girls: He let me "cool off"...
This took me several years, and then He did gently lead me back. But those were painful, bitter years. I felt the pain of separation from God. I learned two important things from the experience - that God can't be manipulated, and that part of being wise is accepting that we don't always find the answers we want. We can ask questions, but perhaps we are not ready to hear the answers, or it could be that God just wants us to learn to trust Him. He will, however, lead us towards a deeper understanding of Himself, as Job discovered, if we let Him.
"The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears".
Needless to say, the quest still continues; I am still learning. It is a steep learning curve sometimes, and the end is nowhere in sight! In many ways, it is only just beginning. This I do know, that the Christian life is an adventure. That prayer I prayed all those years ago was not the "safe bet' I thought it would be, but if I were given the chance, I would not have it any other way. I'm reminded of a conversation that Lucy has about Aslan with Mr. Beaver in 'The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe':
"Then he isn't safe?" asked Lucy. "Safe?" said Mr. Beaver; "Who said anything about safe? Course he isn't safe.
But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."
I think that says it all, really ...
Sue
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